Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
