i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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