Where did you get a picture of my penis
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
