Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
