so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
