dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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