Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
