I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
