so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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