I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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