Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
