dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You can't motorboat a personality
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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