Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
