Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Come on in and take your pants off
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