I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
