is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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