I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
