I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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