I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
