I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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