i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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