its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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