Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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