The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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