recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
