the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
