You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
