I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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