good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
