oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
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