I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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