Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
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