It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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