i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
that is very illegal...i love you.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
