i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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