Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
