...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
