This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
