im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
