I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
