You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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