When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
