i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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