actually, I'm a sock model
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
