I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I forgot how hot balto sounded
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
