She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
