so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
