Sry I called you an 8
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Can I color on your dick again?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
