Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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