dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
