1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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